A Somatic Approach to Patience

Managing the ebb and flow of attachment and desire would seem to be a spiritual issue, or an issue of managing the ego. But somatic theory frames it differently. How can movement be used to work with the excitement that comes unbidden when the seed of desire is sown?

"A man watches his pear tree day after day, impatient for the ripening of the fruit. Let him attempt to force the process, and he may spoil both fruit and tree. But let him patiently wait, and the ripe fruit at length falls into his lap." - Abraham Lincoln


I will say right off the bat that this is not one of my strengths. If there is something I want for myself, I am terribly impatient about it. By contrast, I am much more resilient when dealing with others. I am endlessly patient with muscle and fascia. I can wait for the unwinding to occur as it will. Sometimes just a minute or two, sometimes more, according to the length of time the restriction has been present. When I work with others, I enter a state where time does not exist. I enter the universe of their experience as evidenced by the consistency of their musculature. The history of your everyday activities, your proclivities and your personality is all written in the warp and weft of how you hold tension and where you have none...

But working with others is different because I have no attachment to the outcome, only an endless fascination with the process. Each soma is a magnificent conglomeration of physical, mental, and emotional responses, some spontaneous, some conditioned. As such each is entirely unique. Each time the process is completely different, and yet, patterns emerge. Patterns that I also see when looking at the fabric of my own life. When faced with my own motivations to begin this project or to end that one, for example, I am entirely human. I am pulled back from the curiosity that lures me into universe of the microcosm inside another. I get confused, just as we all do, by superficial appearances. I get sucked into expectations, diverted by life and tripped up by the unexpected that seems to occur consistently when I am busy making other plans.

I forget to make a back up plan. I forget that I have options. It's only when I lie down on the floor and reawaken my own creativity in the way I have learned to do in AWARENESS THROUGH MOVEMENT (ATM), that I regain the endless capacity for patience that is an ocean. Only in working with myself in this way, can I access the same level of presence that I am able to draw upon when working with others. Time recedes and suddenly I drift gently, like Alice in Wonderland, into a rabbit hole. Only the path is one of fascinating discovery. I drop attachment to worldly things like a worn-out toy, in favor of a glistening bauble infinitely more immediate: the universe of sensory experience.

One of my favorite sayings is, 'The map is not the terrritory.' We never deal directly with life. We deal with our interpretation of it. This is why different people experience life in such blatantly contrasting ways, even when in similar circumstances. We 'make sense' of the world by stuffing what happens into the framework of what we know, how it relates to what we have known and what we are afraid might or might not happen in the future.

Interesting idiom, 'to make sense of,' considering that the only way we can interface with the physical world is by using the information our senses provide. Our footsteps on the path give us a sense of the terrain. Our sense of smell can dictate whether to feel comfortable or disgusted. Our visual field, now more than ever before, is assaulted daily with images that make the world a larger, more aggressive place. Images of war on foreign soil burst into the tiny interior of my car before I have time to change the station.

In the places where my map is inaccurate, I get lost. We all have preconceived ideas. If I am overwhelmed by unwanted input and need to tune out just to get on with life, I loose out. If I have to dull my senses to survive, I diminish myself. My aliveness is compromised. If I live in impatient desire for some future outcome, I starve myself in the presence of abunce. I can read about eating, but it will not nourish me. I can read about eating chocolate, but it's not the same as actually biting into the silky sweetness of it. And I can read about doing ATM, I can write about it forever, but it too, will provide no sustenance until I actally lay down, put a lesson on the CD player and give myself the gift of time for myself. Ironically, time, it seems, is the antidote to impatience.

Let's Nurture the Gene Pool

Nature vs. nurture, the age old debate, has received new input based on new equipment now available for the study of neurology. Just how important is genetics? How much of a role does environment play in how we fare in life? One thing is clear, by learning to nurture ourselves, we extend our own life span. The person who stays connected to self, to nature and to others lives longer.

This is why a machinistic approach is completely contraindicated. It doesn't matter whether we are speaking in terms of how we relate to health, to self esteem, or to relationships, international or personal. To ignore quality and make decisions based solely on logic is detrimental. It ignores the innate plasticity of the brain that allows for life-long learning. The possibility of learning separates organized life forms from computers. A computer can only do what it's told based on the input it receives. Humans, however, have an ability to generate completely unknown responses that can potentially create worlds of possibility previously inconceivable. Your ability to learn is a wild card that you can count on.

In the 1940's, the scientific worldview about human development was leaning heavily towards the idea that environment was the main factor that determined a child's future talents. Scientists had not yet cracked into a way to unlock how genes might determine character traits, or susceptibility to disease. A then-famous-study of two groups of disadvantaged infants made clear the magnitude of the importance of nurture.

Psychiatrist Rene Spitz compared two groups of infants raised in two seperate institutions. One group was raised in a fondling home, the other group was raised in a nursery that housed the babies of women in the nearby prison. Both institutions were comparable in that they were clean, and provided adequate health care. The crucial difference lay in the amount of nurture. The babies in the prison nursery received lavish attention. Their prison inmate mothers showered them with affection and care during feeding, diaper changes and playtime. These babies developed normally despite the impersonal, clinical setting.

The foundling babies, however, received only little stimulation. In the foundling home, every eight babies had one nurse to care for them. Feedings and diaper changes were brief. Each baby was kept isolated from others to prevent the spread of infection. They had nothing to look at, little affection and minimal physical contact. The startling result was that a large number of them did not even survive until the age of two. The infants that did survive to become children had a surprisingly broad range of problems. Some were physically stunted, some were severely retarded, some were highly prone to infection. They were socially inept. Their behavior was characterized by withdrawal and apathy. By three years of age, most couldn't walk or talk.

Now, consider this: walking and talking is based on the ability to move. They had the muscles to do the job, they just didn't have the neural connections. Exposure to stimulation and nurture lays down the foundation for learning: if the brain is not engaged, it vegetates. This is how we learn to interact with the world around us. Spitz showed that early nurturing and stimulation was imperative for normal function.

Modern medicine is now focused, almost to the point of obsession, on decoding the genetic blueprint responsible for human behavior and disease. Everything from alcoholism to sexual orientation, and Alzheimer's disease to cancer is being related to some chromosome or other. What gets lost in the media shuffle, though, is that these genetic links merely define a predispositon, not a certain, inevitable cause. Genetics merely locates potential weaknesses and strengths, not definitive ones. Heredity is only one factor in determining the outcome of health and behavior. Given, the current trend towards sensationalism in news media reporting, it's easy to loose sight of this fact.

To give genetics so much power is to reduce the human species to the level of machinery. It denies the two most irrevocable distinctions between ourselves and other life forms. Human beings, alone, have the capacity to choose, to invoke free will. And human beings, alone, have the capacity to use conscious intention to the service of learning.

Animals choose, based on instinct, even affection, perhaps, but only if raised in domestication. Set a dog free, and it will probably choose to stay with it's master. At least most dogs come home eventually, unless misstreated. And some dogs will travel thousands of miles to be with a lost human companion. Animals, like humans, also have a capacity to learn, but it is limited to necessity. I have an older horse. I teach her new things all the time, because it's good for both of us. But left to her own devices, she would only learn what she had to for survival. She would not wake up one morning and think to herself, 'Today, I would like to learn French.' Animals do not channel their choices based on desire or ambition. They do not determine what they might like to do with their lives.

The FELDENKRAIS METHOD revolves around free choice. It's about using your intention to effect change. I do FELDENKRAIS with both people and horses. There is a difference only in that with horses, I am the one actively providing the stimulus for change. With people it can be done either way. I can provide the stimulus, or I can teach people the skill of working with themselves. That's what AWARENESS THROUGH MOVEMENT (ATM) classes are about. ATM teaches you to regroup, to reprioritize, to learn to focus on quality instead of viewing your body as a machine that will inevitably fail you. The ability to learn is as inevitable as the degeneration of ageing. The difference is, you have to exert free will to initiate it once you can just 'get by' without learning more. Do you want live life just making do, or do you want to live fully?

ATM is a process of learning to use our God given senses to the service of improving the quality of our lives. If the word 'God' rankles, think of it in terms of neurology. You can intentionally use movement with a specific level of awareness taught in ATM to foster the connection of neural pathways for improved function, learning and coordination. You could, alternatively, opt to use drugs instead. It depends on the situation. In some cases drugs are called for. In other cases, they are merely temporary pacifiers. It's an individual judgement call. I, myself, have thought long and hard on this: Do I want to tune out or tune in? Having experienced both, I choose to tune in. Not twenty-four hours a day, but as a practice. I choose to gradually refine my ability to respond to life rather than to deaden my senses. I have spent years of my life tuning out and the quality of my life deteriorated in a very predictable manner. The years I have spent tuning in have brought a completely different experience. Tuning in takes me to places I was never even able to conceive of in previous times. Why? Because we cannot know what we don't know, but we can sure intentionally endeavor to find out.

Weeding Out Dysfunctional Movement Patterns

'Now 'tis spring, and weeds are shallow-rooted;
Suffer them now and they'll o'grow the garden.'
- William Shakespeare, King Henry the Sixth

If you are reading this, chances are you are no longer in the 'springtime' of your life. You may, in fact, be quite set in your ways, already experiencing the 'inevitable' onset of chronic muscular problems. But muscular dysfunction is not inevitable. It occurs in recognizable patterns that are malleable. The sooner you start the easier it is, before they become so deeply ingrained that they become a part of your self image. You can recognize these patterns easily, all you need is to be willing to learn to channel your attention...

The structure of muscles moving together in patterns allows your brain to organize complex coordination immediately. No thought required. Hitting the break pedal at just the right moment means finding it with your foot without having to take your eyes off the road. This allows for a certain amount of freedom. It means you can widen your focus. You don't have to focus all your attention on driving. You can follow directions to a new place. You can see the scenery. In short, since the issue of functioning safely is handled, you can also focus on other things.

The structure of patterned movement is a framework that allows for greater freedom. It's like having a schedule. You don't have to worry about things getting done because they are already accounted for. In one of the teaching jobs I've held, I used to get these frantic calls from the administrative director at the last minute asking if I could teach this or that workshop in two weeks or sometimes in a few days. Well, yes, I had the dates available, and yes, I could do the teaching, but there is a certain amount of internal preparation that goes into teaching. Teaching is about taking information that often is available to anyone, and organizing it so that it can be easily understood. It's kind of like what cows do. You have to take the information and chew it down into bite size pieces like cud so that it is easily digestible. Then you have to organize it into a recognizable pattern so that it makes sense. The more regular the pattern, the easier it is for people to retain new information.

Discipline is very similar. It provides a framework that can be freeing. It creates a consistent set of assumptions about behavior and work ethic that allow some basic things to get handled. When the basics are accounted for, other aspects of life can flourish in fertile ground; things such as creativity, achievement and safety.

The discipline of AWARENESS THROUGH MOVMENT (ATM) as a practice, allows you to easily recognize movement patterns. Truly holistic in it's methodology, the lessons do not focus exclusively on dysfunctional movement patterns, but on optional ones as well. Kicking a bad habit by trying to stop doing it doesn't work. Substitute a new behavior, and it becomes much easier. In ATM, you learn new movement patterns. The lessons chew ordinary movements down into bite size pieces so that you can easily recogize what you normally do and what else you could be doing.

It's the 'what else you could be doing' that takes you from dysfunction into optional patterns. And somewhere in that lovely array of optional patterns is one that is optimal for you, given who you are, what injuries are, and what your preferences are. The beauty of the Method is that it is all done in a playful, relaxed state of hedonistic enjoyment. I don't know about you, but I'm in. I like to nip those movement patterns that are causing me discomfort in the bud, before they turn into chronic pain. And, yes, it takes the freedom of discipline.

The Compelling Nature of Habit

Habits are useful, because they allow us to perform routine tasks without thinking. But when routine tasks start causing you pain, it may be time to break out of your habit, to expand your possibilities, which is what this practice is primarily about.



What is routine can be accomplished with ease. Habit is hard to break because it usually starts in small ways that make life easier, more predictable, or less painful. We associate it with good feelings. Like a repetitve pattern, it provides comfort in it's regularity. Habits provide emotional sustenance, because they can be depended on. They are familiar, like a favorite pair of slippers. Yet, when that favorite pair of slippers start to wear out, they become threadbare without protection from the hard surfaces of the floor. Thus, what was once exceedingly comfortable, may turn into a problem so gradually, you barely even notice it.

'There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things.' - Machiavelli 1469-1527

It may be precisely because the FELDENKRAIS METHOD is about challenging all the notions about ourselves that we take for granted that it is not more widely known and respected for the amazing results it can produce. Self emanination takes both courage and humility. It takes a trust in the process. You must be willing to let go of the comfort of old habits even when they no longer serve. One of the things I hope to cultivate in the general public by writing this weblog, is a foundation of understanding about the Method and to build trust in the process. AWARENESS THROUGH MOVEMENT (ATM) lessons are designed to deconstruct habitual movement patterns. It can be scary to dismantle the comforting framework of what is familiar, even if keeping it intact produces pain. This is why people stay in relationships that no longer work. It's why people subconsciously abdicate responsibility for their health. It may also be the most challenging aspect of the FELDENKRAIS METHOD because it requires a leap of faith to submit yourself to the process.

So, what's the difference between a habit that is helpful and one that is not? Take driving, for example. It is best accomplished with certain habits around how you use the accelerator and the break pedal. Being able to perceive where your feet are without looking is pretty important. But there is an element of timing involved. It is also important to know when to stop using the accelerator and hit the break. Habits are like that. Sometimes they serve well, other times they need to be examined, lest they have outworn their usefulness.

A habit performed over and over again without thought can become detrimental. It can turn into a compulsive way of dealing with life. In the concrete realm of movement in the field of gravity, you can learn to distinguish the difference. For example, when a routine way of moving causes repetitive stress to a specific part of the body, it's time to learn how to redistribute the stress by learning how to use more of yourself. Or, when a routine way of doing things is the only known option, it can become a trap that limits your potential. You won't even be open to new possibilities because you will conceive of your way as the only way.

This is a common frame of mind I encounter in the field of pain management. People want immediate relief from pain without any willingness to change anything they are doing. That's why the quick fix of pharmaceuticals has such allure. It's a multibillion dollar industry. By taking that pill, you can keep doing the same old thing. You don't have to change. You don't have to look at what you are doing and you certainly don't have to take any responsibility for learning to do anything differently.

This is where I loose people with the victim mentality. 'Who me? It's not my fault.' - This is not a matter of fault. It's a matter not being able to feel what you are doing. Let me help you learn to notice what you are doing. 'I can feel myself just fine, it hurts whenever I use my right shoulder.' Well, whenever you have pain in a specific area, 90% of the time, there is another area nearby that you are not using at all and have no ability to feel. This is where you have to trust the logic of it. Any overuse pattern is usually accompanied by an area, usually closer to the trunk, where there is relatively little or no movement. In areas that are not used much, there are few neural connections. Learn to stimulate the neural connections using movement and you gain a more accurate image of your own capability. When you incorporate more of yourself in your own self image, you spread the stress of basic movements over more joints relieving localized pain in specific areas.

Surgery is an even more extreme example of how far people are willing to go, so that they don't have to change. It's not that surgery is not indicated in certain situations, but there are statistics that suggest that the number of unnecessary surgeries is over 40%. Why? Because it's much easier to get your stomach stapled than change your habits around food. It's easier to surgically change the shape of your face than to deal with ageing, that inevitable harbinger of mortality. It's easier to fuse your vertebrae than to take the time to learn how to move in a way that does not continuously challenge the area of discomfort. These are provocative statements, I understand that. And perhaps, on some level, my intention is to provoke you, to provoke you into action to the service of experiencing greater freedom and fulfillment in you life.

We are an instant gratification society. Recovery from surgery may only take six months. Learning to move in a new way may not even take that long, but people don't realize that it's even a possibility.

Well, listen up. I'm here to tell you that it is a possibility. But you have to do the work. It may be possible for you to learn how to move in a way that no longer provokes your pain. That is one of the main things the FELDENKRAIS METHOD is all about. As an instructor, my goal is not to teach you all the hundreds of lessons Moshe Feldenkrais designed. Rather, my goal is to teach you the skill of learning how to work with yourself so that you become autonomous in your ability to move in variety of ways. All those lessons are merely a template for you to gain self knowledge. Thus, you learn to notice what you are doing and you are no longer trapped by your own lack of vision. I will hold the vision for you.

A Congruent Life

Are you congruent? Are you presenting a happy face to the world when inside you are agonizing over something you are afraid to admit? This kind of internal conflict manifests as opposing tension in the body. Playing with movement using the kind of focused attention one learns in AWARENESS THROUGH MOVEMENT (ATM) is a means towards resolution...

We all face potential conflict when undergoing major transitions in life. Other societies have maintained rituals to make these transitions easier. Western society has all but dropped the rituals that gave people a moment to reflect on the signifigance of moving from childhood into adulthood, or from an active working career into retirement. When conflicts like these are not resolved, they create an underlying tension in the body. Read on to find out how movement can be used to help clarify internal conflicts harbored just below the surface of consciousness.

The most common example of this kind of conflict is a phase that everyone has to go through in the transition from teenager to adult. How are you going to support yourself? Will you follow the dictates of your mind, which analyzes the financial pros and cons of a given career. Will you follow your heart, which may lead you in directions that society scoffs at. Everyone knows you can't make any money in the Humanities or in the Arts. Then there is the issue of self esteem. Maybe you think you have what it takes in spite of what 'they' say. Doing what you want when it goes against 'common knowledge' is a statement about how you feel about yourself. It takes courage to fly in the face of convention and do it anyway. It takes an ability to manage conflict, the conflict between fear which pulls you back, and the determination which pushes you forward.

This naturally raises internal conflict that must be resolved before you can fully realize the dream, whatever it is. Examples abound: the son who is expected to follow in the family business, but would rather study art; the daughter who is expected to marry and be a mother but would rather focus on a career in design or business...If you follow the expectations of others, you are conflicted because you are not following your heart. If you follow your heart, you are conflicted because you are not respecting the wishes of your parent. Or, you could decide you don't care, in which case you will experience the internal conflict of trying to pretend it doesn't matter when it does. You get the picture.

Unresolved emotions such as disappointment, resentment, and guilt have a specific way of being expressed in posture. That's why certain postures are so very expressive. Think of someone jumping for joy. It's pure exuberance expressed by complete expansion in all directions. Legs and arms outstretched, the head is up, the eyes are bright. Joy is expressed somatically by extending onself towards the environment. You don't do that unless you feel safe. Disappointment, by contrast, is expressed by withdrawal. Think of anyone you've ever known who battles depression. They usually have hair over their eyes, the shoulders are hunched forward, the head is in front to the vertical and the overall posture gives the impression of defeat.

These are all extreme examples anyone can recognize. Yet, there are many levels of subtlety in the expression of emotion and everyone harbors unexamined conflicts below the surface that manifest in the same way. The signs are not as obvious, because the conflict is less blatant, but the tensions are there, nonetheless. When you work at a job just for the money with no outlet for your passion or your creativity, for example, chances are you will have a continuous low level tension in your body because you are conflicted. Half of you knows you need the money. The other half of you yearns for a life that is about more than survival. You are, in effect, facing in two directions at once. Ouch.

Dr. Caroline Myss is an author who has studied mysticism extensively. She states in her book, Adanced Energy Anatomy, that the main purpose for our lives may well be to learn to become congruent. It may be that we are really here to learn to resolve all the conflicting emotions that come up in the course of a lifetime. This translates to living as a conscious expression of what you believe. 'They,' (there 'they' go again,) say actions speak louder than words. Becoming congruent means learning to make our actions and our ideas match. It requires that we resolve all our myriad internal conflicts, large and small. It's a lifetime proposition, not something you just decide to do and be done with.

Think about being a parent. Children really challenge us to look inside and make our actions congruent with our beliefs. The problem is, most people don't even really know what their beliefs are at that point. And they are certainly not yet in touch with the conflicts that parenting can give rise to. When do you say 'No?' What parent hasn't experienced the conflict of wanting to give in to those adorable little munchkins, but knowing that to do so has the potential to create a monster of mass proportions? Then they become teenagers. Teenagers have an incomparable ability to sniff out incongruencies. They will nail you to the ground for acting out the saying, 'Do as I say, not as I do.'

In movement incongruence manifests as a lack of coordination. It's not that all our little conflicts are reflected in the body by a lack of coordination. Rather, by improving our coordination in movements we are not familiar with, we can learn to feel the tension of little incongruencies we otherwise ignore. Movement in an ATM is designed to give you an opportunity to learn to clearly distinguish the difference between feeling congruent, which feels smooth and free, and feeling conflicted, which feels like your muscles are tensed and ready to go in opposite directions. When you are tensed in preparation to go in opposite directions, you can't go anywhere. In the field of gravity, if you can't move, you fall over. You are trapped, immobilized by your own conflicting intentions.

In ATM, you learn to sort out the conflicting directions of tension in your body, like sorting out a tangle in a skein of wool. Free yourself from all these conflicting tensions and you will find you have more energy. From there, as you learn this skill, it becomes much easier to spot in your psyche. The physical becomes a non-threatening place to explore how to work with elements of how we think that are at times very painful and uncomfortable. Conflict resolution becomes a new habit rather than something we need to force upon ourselves like a distasteful tonic. After all, your body merely expresses what your mind is thinking, whether you want it to or not.