Monday, March 14, 2011

Self Sabotage: When Your Face Belies Your Words...

Congruence is when we are saying and doing the same thing. When we are BEING it - that's an even deeper level of integration. Awareness allows us to begin to pay attention to how we are showing up in life. Are you showing up as an old burnt out truck or as the Garden of Eden that is your true Essence? What have you become?

When there is a gap between what I say and what I do, my daughter looks at what I do. What I say then becomes what it is, merely words. She hears it like this: "Blah, blah, blah..."

Given that this is so, it's an opening, a doorway into self-understanding. What time is it? Time to take time to notice the discrepancies. It's time to walk through the door that helps us heal what is broken in ourselves by beginning to notice where what we do and what we say is incongruent.

In a movement lesson, this shows up as having an intention to move in a way that fulfills the request of the lesson, but finding that what actually happens is something different. Our ability to sense the discrepancies in ourselves is heightened by the practice. We refine the ability to notice, in the moment, when we want to show up in a certain way but something else happens instead. We also refine the ability to self-correct.

For example, when I was in the thick of compulsive codependence, it took me years to notice how incongruent I was. In one relationship after another, I saw clearly the violence of the man I was with. It was demeaning. Over time, I felt my sense of self-worth diminishing.

I was unconscious of how it was slowly annihilating my sense of self. It was as if I was slowly crawling into a worm hole in their shoe, simply another thing for them to step on. I was unable to differentiate between myself and the other person. My sense of self was so submerged already, that when the recriminations came, they seemed only to confirm the shame I already felt.

Going back to how a movement lesson (ATM) relates, it helps us become sensitive to our own inner conflict, and how this shows up as moving in ways that are inconsistent with our intention. Certainly we do this all the time, but we are usually too busy to notice it. ATM provides a framework to support us in sensing what is usually below the level of consciousness.

Long before I ever encountered ATM, I had a vague sense that when I took a stand for my gut feeling that I did not want to see this abusive man any more, my body was conveying a completely different message. I was afraid, I was conflicted, I wanted his love more than anything and my body expressed this.

I would smile when I needed to be connected to my outrage. I would appear fearful in my stance when I needed to convey all the power in my being. My facial expressions gave me away, proof that I lacked the courage of my convictions.

Having an intention to move in a way that is congruent with what I am feeling deep inside so that I am not giving in to fear or people-pleasing is a whole body action. It means incorporating my whole self into my stance, my feelings, my beliefs, my light and my love and hope for a better life. All this ATM helps me refine. And it can help you too.

Our ability to sense the discrepancies in ourselves is a heightened level of awareness that brings us home to our own power.

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